Coming Back to You
by Cazza799
Summary: 6 months have passed since Mads left and Lenny has been in a terrible accident, bringing Mads back to Holby.  Join me in my attempt to put things right for my favourite couple.  In the same universe as my series that began with "A New Christmas Tradition"
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So I'm more than a little annoyed at how they left things with Mads and Lenny. I know they weren't everybody's favourite couple but I loved them and feel they at least deserved a proper ending. I need some closure so this story will be my attempt to get that for myself. If anyone else wants to read it then that's a bonus. This is also for monalisa62003 who asked me to write an ending for them. I think this is probably totally different to what you had in mind though so I'm sorry about that. The story totally took on a mind of its own. I hope you enjoy it anyway. **

**As usual I don't own these characters and this is only for fun.**

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><p>It was strange coming back to the ED after so long. More than 6 months had passed since she had last seen anyone from the hospital. The only person she had kept in touch with was Zoe and she had begged her not to tell anyone else that they were in contact. At the time she had considered just making a clean break but it had seemed like too much all at once, to sever all ties with a whole part of her life.<p>

The occasional phone call with the doctor had made it easier. She'd been able to find out how everyone was doing. The one person they had never spoken about was Lenny. She couldn't bring herself to ask about him and Zoe had never brought him up. She suspected her friend had taken the cue from her that he really wasn't someone she wanted to talk about. Today as she walked back through the doors she was so glad that Zoe had been able to contact her.

It had only been two hours since she had received the phone call but it felt like an eternity. She had heard the words, "There's been an accident. I'm sorry but it's Lenny," and the world had seemed to switch into slow motion. She still felt as if she was moving through quick-sand now. Zoe had carefully explained that he'd been hit by a speeding car and that the injuries were so severe they weren't sure if he would make it. She had dropped everything and made her way back to Holby as quickly as was humanly possible.

Noel spotted her as she approached the desk in a daze. He moved forward and gathered her in a big hug before he shouted for Zoe.

"How is he?" she asked as soon as the doctor came into view. Noel moved back behind the desk and Zoe took her to one side.

"He's more or less stable for now. His pelvis is shattered and he's severely injured his shoulder. However what we're most worried about are the internal injuries and we won't have a full picture of how severe those are till they operate. They should be ready to take him in for surgery in a few minutes."

Zoe paused for a minute and then spoke again. "Listen is it OK that I called? We don't even seem to have a next of kin on record for him. Yuki was the only other person I could think of and apparently he's out of the country."

"Of course you should have called me. He's my friend."

Zoe looked relieved, "Good, I just wasn't sure. I didn't really know how you'd left things but I didn't want him to be on his own. He just isn't as close to anyone else here now as he was to you."

Mads felt a stab of shame at Zoe's words. She had abandoned her friend. No matter what else Lenny had been to her he had always been there as a friend when she needed him. She'd left him all alone.

"Can I see him?" She was ashamed of the way her voice was shaking. Now wasn't the time to fall apart. She needed to hold it together for Lenny.

"Of course you can," Zoe softly replied. "He's quite groggy though. We've got him on a fair bit of medication. He was very distressed and in a lot of pain. You should prepare yourself. He looks pretty bad."

She steadied herself, "I'm a nurse, and I'll handle it. He needs me now and I have to do this."

She followed Zoe into one of the examination rooms and stopped short as she entered. She'd thought she was ready but this was her Lenny and he barely even looked like himself. It was terrifying. It wasn't the same as dealing with a stranger.

She felt Zoe's hand on her back and she took a deep breath and approached the bed he was lying on. She had never seen him so still. Lenny had always positively hummed with energy and now he was lying in front of her completely broken. As well as the injuries Zoe had mentioned he was pretty beaten up in general. He had numerous abrasions and what looked like some very severe bruising. He was a total mess.

She reached his side and took his hand. Out of the corner of her eye she was aware of Zoe backing away.

"Lenny, it's Mads. I'm so sorry," she whispered.

At that moment she saw him struggling to open his eyes but they closed again almost immediately. When he tried again she realised that she was possibly upsetting him more than anything else and very gently stroked the uninjured side of his face as she spoke again.

"Hey, keep them shut, you need to rest."

"You'll stay?" he mumbled so softly that she could hardly hear him, and her heart tightened in her chest. He sounded so scared.

"Of course I'll stay. We'll put things right. I should never have left but this time I'm not going anywhere, I promise." Her voice broke on the last few words and she felt his fingers grip hers tightly for a moment.

She hoped with all she had that she would have a chance to put things right. If he didn't survive she would never forgive herself for what she had done to him.

When they arrived to take him to surgery she ended up in the lift alongside him.

He wouldn't let go of her hand.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating. I wasn't very well at the weekend so this is a few days later than I intended. Thanks to those of you who took the time to review. I love feedback and reviews do make me write faster. (I know everybody says that but it's true.) This is a very dialogue heavy chapter but it was kind of necessary. I hope you can all follow it.**

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><p>Mads wasn't sure she could stand much more of this waiting. In the end they had had to practically prise Lenny's hand off of hers. He had been absolutely terrified as they had wheeled him in for the aesthetic. She supposed that was the downside of being in the medical profession. At times too much knowledge could definitely be a bad thing. Lenny had been painfully aware of the dangerous position he was in and they had both known she was lying when she had promised him numerous times he would be fine. She didn't know he would be fine. There was no way she could possibly know that and it was almost killing her.<p>

As she paced in the waiting room she felt a new appreciation for the pain that family members went through as they waited for news. She'd always considered herself a sympathetic person but she felt like she had developed more empathy in the last few hours than she had ever wanted to. It felt like the walls were closing in.

The door opened and she looked up to see Zoe enter. She could tell her friend was almost as worried as she was, but she was obviously trying hard to hide it for her sake.

"My shift's over and I thought you might want some company. Is there any news?" Zoe asked softly.

"No, they haven't told me anything and it's been so long now. What if they can't fix him? I don't know what I'd do. Even after I left I always knew that I could see him again if I wanted to, that I could change my mind and come back. What if this is it and it's forever? What am I supposed to do?"

By the time she had finished speaking she was breathless and the tears she'd been holding in all day were streaming down her cheeks. Her friend guided her into a chair and forced her to sit down, placing her hand gently on her back as she handed her a tissue before she spoke.

"The waiting's the worst, you know that. You just need to hold on a bit longer and I know you can do it. I've seen how strong you can be. He'll be out of surgery soon and then he'll need you. You need to be able to be there for him."

"You don't understand," Mads answered. "I feel so guilty. He was always there for me and I treated him so badly."

"You know you're right," Zoe said. "I don't think I understand at all. Since you left you've never mentioned him and I obviously noticed that. I'm not an idiot. I knew something must have happened but I never pushed. Now's your chance, why don't you make me understand?"

Mads tried to steady her voice as she answered, "I didn't mention him because there was nothing to say."

This time however Zoe was clearly not going to give up.

"Something tells me there was plenty to say, that there's still plenty to say. For weeks after you left he went around like the end of the world had come. He almost bit my head off when I asked him about you. Besides given the state you're in do you honestly expect me to believe you've got nothing to say? It might help to talk it through with someone. I promise you it'll stay between you and me."

Mads took a deep breath. Maybe her friend was right. Maybe talking about it would stop the thoughts going round and round in her head because it turned out running away hadn't helped. It hadn't helped at all. If anything it had made it worse. It was all such a mess.

When she finally spoke the words came out in a rush, "Right before I left Lenny told me he loved me." She paused for Zoe's reaction and got nothing. "You don't look surprised."

"I'm not, not really. The way he looked at you made it pretty obvious how he felt about you. The only thing I don't understand is the way you reacted. Don't you feel the same way about him? I know things were complicated for you but I'd always assumed that you did."

Now that she had started speaking about it the words came easier, "That's just it; I wasn't sure how I felt. I was so scared and it was all just too much. I felt like I was finally putting the attack behind me but I still had my fiancé to think about and then there was my family and everything they expected of me. I felt like I was drowning and I just thought that if I really loved him then it should make all of those other things seem like nothing, so I decided that I didn't love him back. I decided that I couldn't love him back."

"God Mad's, that's not something you decide. You either feel it or you don't. There isn't any magic wand to make all of those other things go away. You need to admit what you want and then you need to make it happen for yourself. You need to think about what will make you happy. Do you realise that all the reasons you gave me to explain why you couldn't love Lenny were about other people? It needs to be about you."

"Do you think I haven't tried to tell myself that? You know I've already broken off my engagement. I just didn't explain why. I already decided that it didn't matter how I felt about Lenny, I knew I didn't love the man I was supposed to be marrying and I didn't want that. I'm not sure my family are ever going to forgive me though."

"And what about now?" Zoe demanded. "You dropped everything to come here and I've watched you almost tear yourself apart over what's happening. You really can't expect me to believe that you still aren't sure about what you feel."

"I know that when I think about never seeing him again it seems like my whole world is ending. When you told me about the accident it felt like the ground was falling out from underneath me. I need another chance. Maybe I don't deserve another chance but I need one. I told him we could put things right. I don't know what I'll do if he dies."

At that moment the door opened and the surgeon came into the room.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Late again, I'm so sorry. Real life is still incredibly busy right now. I won't bore you with the details. I don't know how many people are still interested in this story but I'm still enjoying writing it so plan to continue. I'd love to hear from anyone else who's still interested too, please leave a review. **

**By the way for anyone who thinks Lenny and Mads seem a little close here compared to what actually happened on the programme, that can be explained by my previous stories in this universe. That was also a shameless plug for my other Lenny/Mads stories. Thanks to those of you who have already taken the time to review, alert and favourite. I can't promise when the next update will be but hopefully you won't be waiting any longer than a fortnight. Anyway, I'll shut up now and get back to the story.**

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><p>Mads wasn't sure how long she'd been sitting by his bed for. It felt like forever. Lenny was as white as a sheet and she'd never seen him so still in all the time she'd known him. He had always been rushing around, squeezing every last drop of excitement out of everything. Her Lenny, always so determined that his life should be full of drama. As much as she had tried to persuade him that it didn't always need to be like that, it was that passion for everything that had always made him seem so much larger than life, and now lying in that bed he looked so small. The energy that always crackled around him had gone.<p>

She reached for his hand once more and it was still so cold to the touch. When she squeezed it there was still no response from him. The surgeon had explained that everything had gone pretty much as well as they could have hoped for. It would take a long time but they were expecting him to make a full recovery. She knew logically that it was merely a combination of the anaesthetic and the trauma he had been through that was causing the unconsciousness. However there was a part of her that wouldn't believe he was going to be alright until he was awake.

It was that same fear that made her so determined to remain at his bedside. While she was here, looking at him, she could persuade herself he was still with her, and she had resolutely resisted any attempts by staff to get her to leave. Besides she didn't want him to wake up and fine himself alone.

Zoe had stayed with her for awhile but she had eventually persuaded her friend to go home. The doctor would be working again the following day and, as much as she would have appreciated the company, it was hardly fair to expect her to go without sleep.

This left her alone with her thoughts and once again all she could think about was how much she had hurt the man lying in front of her. All because of her own stupid cowardice.

Well this was her chance to make it right. Lenny had been there for her, even when she had tried over and over again to push him away. Now she would be there for him. She squeezed his hand again and this time felt his fingers move, ever so slightly, in hers.

His eyes opened and moved around the room in a panic before they settled on her face. He grabbed her hand so tightly it hurt and started to struggle to remove the oxygen mask that still covered his face with the other hand.

She shouted for help as loudly as she could and the room was at once flooded with people. She was wrenched away from him, but when they tried to remove her from the room she point blank refused, and as they had more important things to focus on they quickly gave up.

She watched as they administered more pain killers and checked him over and then, after they managed to calm him down, they removed the oxygen mask that had been distressing him so much. The room eventually emptied once more, but only after she had promised to call for help if anything changed with his condition.

Immediately she was back at his side and had entwined her fingers with his. She couldn't get rid of the stupid idea that she needed to be constantly touching him to know that he was going to be fine.

"Hi" he said in a slightly scratchy voice as he gave her a small, slightly pained smile.

"How are you feeling?" she asked. As the question left her lips it sounded stupid and trite.

He didn't seem to notice however as he answered, "My head feels fuzzy, like I'm not really here. I keep expecting to wake up and find that you've gone. I am here right? You're here too?"

She smiled slightly in response, "That's just the drugs. We're both here, I promise you, and they told me you're going to be fine."

"And you aren't going anywhere? Promise me that too."

"I swear to you, I'm not going anywhere."

It hurt her so much to see him so unsure. She had always known this side of him was there but he had never been so openly vulnerable. As much as she knew that at least part of that was down to how awful he was feeling physically, she knew that some of it had to be because of the way she had left. Why should he believe that this time she was here to stay? She had left him, had left the man who had suffered a whole lifetime of everybody leaving him.

"Won't your fiancée have something to say about that?" he replied and she could see that he was struggling to keep his eyes open.

"I don't have a fiancée, not anymore, but we can talk about that tomorrow. You need to rest."

His fingers tightened around hers once more, "I'm not that tired and if I fall asleep you'll leave."

"Did I not just promise you that I'd stay? There's no way you're getting rid of me anytime soon."

She attempted to make herself comfortable in the plastic visitors' chair and Lenny frowned at her.

"That can't be comfortable." He shuffled himself over in the hospital bed and patted the space beside him.

"See Mads there's plenty of room for us both here. Would you really deny the wish of a man who teetered on the edge of death?"

She knew he was trying to lighten the situation and was horrified to feel her eyes fill with tears.

The expression on his face turned to concern.

"Hey I'm sorry Mads, no more joking OK, don't cry."

She angrily brushed the tears away with the back of her hand.

"I'm the one that's sorry. I'm supposed to be being strong for you here. It's still just a bit fresh that's all, the thought of you not being around anymore."

"But I'm still here. I'm not planning on going anywhere."

This time when he indicated the space beside him she didn't hesitate. Right now she couldn't care less about propriety or about what the staff would say if they found her there. He was still alive and that was all that mattered. She'd worry about the rest later. She climbed in and curled into his relatively uninjured side, avoiding the side with the fractures, and placed her hand gently on his chest so she could feel its rise and fall.

"If only I'd know that this was all it would take to get you into my bed, Mads."

She could hear the exhaustion in his voice and she stroked his chest lightly.

"Hey, you promised no more jokes tonight remember. Go to sleep OK."

She raised her head slightly and satisfied herself that he had obediently closed his eyes before closing her own and drifting off to the reassuring sound of his breathing.


End file.
